So here I am, I've been running around Kentucky and the United States again for the past 2 months or so and I feel obligated to share some thoughts about my "visit" here. When you live in the Philippines for 9+ months a year and you're only home for 9 or 10 weeks it seems like you're visiting home, not vice-versa. It is striking to be asked when I'm going home by people here. It then begins to sink in that yes, I do make my home in the Philippines. Of course we all remember the saying, 'home is where the heart is', that being the case I'm confident in saying I have two homes, or maybe even three.
For so long it seems like I was interested in how much things were changing in my life. Moving to another hemisphere can produce a lot of changes. Now, I'm kind of used to the idea of living in two places on opposite sides of the world, the changes are expected changes, and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Possibly it's neither, only a testament to what a person can become accustomed to. However, part of me thinks that it is bad because that initial trust, the actions that required what, at the time, seemed like such large amounts of faith are now routine sorts of things. Contrariwise, part of me says that it's good because I at least have a much better idea of what is worth worrying about now. Life consistently teaches us that expectations have a way of leading to more bad things than good because we start taking things for granted, maybe getting a little prideful, less cognizant of significance and so forth. The tragedy is that we let this very thing happen in our relationship with the Lord all the time, in both the everyday and not so everyday things.
One of the more common Christian (and especially Evangelical) refrains of the past 300 or so years has been the idea that nowhere on this Earth is our home. If the heart is with God in Christ and home is where the heart is, then we get things like "This World Is Not My Home." That's fine, and it's a great hymn, but I would like to balance it by adding that God is the one who put us here. Yes, we've done a fine job of messing things up, but it doesn't change the fact that God put us here and we were designed to be a part of what is here.
So call it home or don't call it home, but I can tell you there will always be affection in my heart for the hills and "hollers" that are Bracken County, Kentucky. That part of God's creation that we are most familiar with probably inspires some nostalgia for most of us because of all the memories. There's no reason that this can't be true spiritually. It is much more dangerous though. If your most common spiritual place is one of anger, disappointment, apathy; you are going to feel most comfortable there with those spiritual surroundings. And of course the opposite is true as well. If you've been blessed enough to exercise a little faith to "test and see that the Lord is good" as Scripture puts it, then you will be as comfortable as you can be there; trusting God and waiting for him to work.
If I live and the Lord wills, I'm about to return to the Philippines for a fourth time. The first time seemed like a momentous faith event, but in hindsight all three years have presented their own challenges and triumphs, their own spots where momentous faith events occurred. I think I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. When you're in the mission field you are constantly reminded how dependent you are on God for what you need. What I have to keep reminding myself is that this is a fundamental truth wherever I live, in whatever situation. In essence, nothing has changed in that regard except that I am more cognizant of it. That, I dare say, is a good thing. Becoming more aware of it isn't always pleasant; it can be quite challenging. Just remember that a cliché became a cliché for a reason. "Let go and let God" reminds us all of church camp, but at some point there is freedom in leaving the worrying behind and knowing God is taking care of you. It's not easy, I'm not there yet, but I feel like I'm closer than I was before I went to Aparri.
As my comfort level in Aparri increases, I hope that this progress does not reverse itself. Hopefully we can all develop that comfortable nostalgia with trusting God.
I want to say thank you to everyone for the continued support, both financially and in prayer. We're all a part of this ministry, no role more important than another. We're all just doing what God asks us. Please continue to support this ministry, I'll keep doing my part.
Nick
